


Iron Man EATS Iron Man [Transcript]

by duckmoles



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Food, Gen, Social Media, YouTube, avengers vs the media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-25 23:12:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14389089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duckmoles/pseuds/duckmoles
Summary: Video Description: Tony Stark samples Iron Man-themed food.Based off the latest Bruce/Tony/Strange/Wong clip from Infinity War.





	Iron Man EATS Iron Man [Transcript]

_Tony Stark scrunches up his nose as he sets down a burger._

STARK: Oh god, get this away from me. This doesn’t deserve to have my name on it.

_Music starts. Onscreen text on top of a red and gold background: “Iron Man Tries Iron Man Themed Food”_

STARK, looking into the camera: You all know who I am. Today I’m trying –

_Stark looks off camera to an unnamed person behind the camera. He nods and looks back into the camera._

STARK: Eating myself, apparently. Let’s get started.

_Onscreen text: “Iron Man Waffles”_

_Stark laughs as he picks up a waffle in the shape of the Iron Man armor head, complete with red food coloring._

STARK: Wow, that’s – that’s something, alright.

_Cut to Stark picking up the waffle with a fork and taking a bite out of it. He looks contemplative as he slowly chews._

STARK: Little dry. Could use a bit more syrup.

_Cut to Stark drenching the waffle in syrup. When he’s done, he takes another bite._

STARK: That’s more like it. That’s the stuff. Five out of five.

_Stark looks directly into the camera._

STARK: That’s the lesson here, kids. Never be afraid to add more of the unguents. Makes the whole thing go down easier.

_[Scribbled note on the bottom of the page: “goddamnit it’s a sex joke. get approval from PR before releasing”]_

_Stark looks pleased._

STARK: What’s up next?

_Onscreen text: “Olive Garden’s Stark Special”_

_Stark looks unimpressed._

STARK: I remember this, wow. They named this after my dad back in – what, ’89?

_He takes a bite of the pasta and visibly cringes._

STARK: Jesus, there’s a hot piece of garbage right there. Do these guys not understand the practice of moderation? Feels like I’m drowning in cheese here.

STARK: Uh, zero out of five.

STARK: I need a drink to wash this down.

_Onscreen text: “The Iron Man Wine”_

_Stark sips at a glass of red wine._

STARK: Really, I don’t drink much nowadays, but this is a. . . surprisingly fantastic pinot noir. Five out of five. Have you guys tried this?

_Stark looks off-camera to the crew._

STARK: Come here, come here, try this.

_Cut to members of the crew awkwardly trying the wine. Stark laughs as he watches their reactions, ranging from a shrug to an awkward smile._

STARK: Everyone’s over 21, right? What do you think?

_Mark looks terrified to be put on the spot._

MARK: It’s great.

_Stark nods enthusiastically._

STARK: That’s the spirit.

_Onscreen text: “The Iron Burger”_

STARK: Is this from Burger King? You guys are killing me here.  

_Stark takes the smallest bite possible from the burger._

STARK: Bring back the wine and the waffle. Did they put caviar in this? Jesus.

_Stark puts the burger down._

STARK: One out of five, if only for the fact that the bun is red.

STARK: I’m not ready for dessert.

_Onscreen text: “Stark Raving Hazelnut”_

STARK, laughing: That’s the worst name I’ve ever heard.

_Stark pokes at the ice cream._

STARK: Is this melting already? You guys know I’m lactose intolerant, right?

_Stark scoops up the ice cream in an iron man-branded spoon._

STARK, blinking in shock at the ice cream: Baskin Robbins, you’ve done it again. This is. . . a delightful blend of vanilla and hazelnut that captures myself better than anything else I’ve ever had. Ten out of five.

_Stark finishes the plate._

STARK: Do you have any more?

_Fade out to a clip of Stark eating, his mustache slightly smeared with ice cream._

**Author's Note:**

> i really want to eat ice cream.


End file.
